These are things that would be fun to do but don’t necessarily fit in with the three pillars above. All of these are optional, depending on the comfort level of my partner. I list them here because they are things I would enjoy doing with the right person.

D/s (Domination and Submission)

Virtually everything in the three pillars involves some level of domination and submission; D/s and humiliation are my primary kinks. But what I’ve described above is mainly mental, so I wanted to say that some of the performative aspects are also fun—a woman dressed in black latex or leather and holding a riding crop is incredibly sexy. My partner will always be the part, but it would be fun if sometimes she looked the part as well. 

Pegging And Anal Play

Anal and prostate stimulation is pleasurable, and being fucked by a woman with a strap on instead of doing the fucking would reinforce the power dynamic of her in charge. It would also be deeply humiliating (and intensely erotic) to take my partner shopping at a place like Good Vibrations for a strap-on harness, dildo, and lube. 

Gay Sex

I mentioned this above, but another intensely humiliating (and erotic) act would be to bottom to a man or men while my partner watched. This could be in our out of chastity, but either way, his pleasure would be first and foremost, and I would be the “taker” instead of the giver.

Gloved And Ruined Orgasms

When it comes to sex, a handjob is always welcome but not what men are looking for. In most cases, it’s the bare minimum way to pleasure your partner. This is why being jerked off by my partner while she wears a latex glove (to keep her hand clean) and then ruined on top of it is so humiliating and erotic. There is an almost detached, clinical feel to it. 

Water Sports

The idea of a woman peeing on me, in my mouth, and down my throat is intensely humiliating and erotic. As is the idea of licking her clean after she goes to the bathroom. 

Big (Black?) Cocks

Ultimately, she decides what goes into her body. And, while the fetishization of black men is unfortunate, a white woman having sex with a black man is intensely erotic, especially if he has a much larger cock. But the humiliation of her getting pleased by much larger cocks is not limited to black men, and being asked “are you in yet” or her telling me that she can’t feel me is both humiliating and thrilling. 

Cum Eating

When I am allowed to ejaculate, ruined or not, the expectation that I eat my cum is highly erotic. I could also be expected to eat her lover’s cum where ever it might land on or in her. 

What’s Not On The Menu

These are activities commonly associated with the above that just aren’t my thing, although I would happily partake if she enjoyed them. 

Extreme Sissification

As mentioned above, I don’t want to be transformed into a girl or a sissy. Being a girl is pretty damn awesome, and I fully embrace the feminine in and around me, so there’s no humiliation in being forced to be one. 

S&M (Sadism & Masochism)

Pain can be erotic, but I am not a “pain slut.” I do not need a good beating to be happy, and pain does not need to be a central piece of my relationship. 

Bondage

Like S&M, bondage can be a lot of fun. It would be intense (in a good way) to be tied to a chair while watching my partner have sex with one or men. And of course, chastity is a form of bondage. But it doesn’t need to be central to the relationship. 

Foot Worship

Feet don’t turn me on, and they never have. I love to give foot massages, especially after she’s had a long day. But that’s different from kissing and worshiping her feet. 

Hard Limits

In addition to always keeping things safe, sane, and consensual, these are the things that I won’t do.

Public Humiliation

I am a very private person, so overtly public play is out of the question. This includes going to a restaurant dressed as a woman, logging into work wearing a dog collar, or doing anything that nonconsensually forces strangers to be part of our dynamic. I will never do anything to jeopardize my job or my family. 

The exception to this is willing participants. Her lovers will know that she is cheating on her partner, especially if I am watching or participating. And if we find other, like-minded couples (our tribe), we can be open and honest with them. And I am fine being out with some of her close friends (honestly, that would be intensely erotic). 

Scat

It’s unhygienic and gross, so enough said.

Anything Illegal

This includes kids, animals, etc., and goes without saying. 

What I Am Looking For

My next relationship will be one built on a power dynamic where she is in control: a Female-Led Relationship. It will also be one where I am monogamous and devoted to her while she experiences an entirely open relationship: a hotwife/cuckold relationship. It will also be a relationship where I am largely chaste, locked in chastity and only allowed out or to orgasm when she wants me to: a keyholder chastity relationship.

So the three pillars of my next relationship are

• A Female-Led Relationship
• A Hotwife/cuckold Relationship 
• A Keyholder/Chastity Relationship

A Female-Led Relationship (FLR)

This doesn’t mean that she is in charge of everything. We’d still be partners, and I would still have a fair bit of autonomy. But, in the end, she would have the final decision in all things. I am not looking for a Master/slave relationship, but rather more of a “shipboard” Captain/first mate dynamic. For some things, she (the Captain) would decide without consulting me, like who does which chores. This doesn’t mean that she would do no chores. Instead, she would assign them without negotiation. I would be consulted and heard on other matters, such as major purchases, but she would have the final say.

This also touches on the critical tradwife/breadwinner dynamic I am seeking. I make good money, and I want to show up as masculine in my next relationship as the provider. I work all day to bring home the paycheck—if not the only one, then the largest—and I am the breadwinner for my family. On the other hand, I want to show up femininely in my next relationship as the traditional wife, or tradwife. Most household chores, including cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc., would fall to me.

Aspirationally, I would log out from work, put on an apron and make dinner, clean up the mess, and make sure she got a blowjob before bed. Her evening would be spent having a drink and relaxing, and whatever else she might want to be doing (see below). I say aspirationally because there’s only so much work I can do before I fall apart, and I don’t want to commit to working myself to death. I am a 50s husband by day. But at night, that role transfers to her, and I become the 50s housewife.

A Hotwife/Cuckold Relationship

In my next relationship, she will be free to date anyone she wants. At the same time, I will remain completely faithful and devoted to her. She can spend the evening sexting guys or going out and meeting them. She can bring men home to have sex with, either with me in the room watching or while I sit alone in another part of the house. She can indulge in whatever fantasies she has, including multiple men at once, creampies, being dominant or submissive to other men, whatever. And I will be available to her when she’s done for whatever she wants. 

There are aspects of this that I will enjoy more than others, including a sense of humiliation when she enjoys much larger men. I hope that she will let me provide her with oral sex after she’s had sex, but that is up to her. I hope that she will have me pleasure her lovers, including “forcing” me to be gay, but that is up to her. She is even free to pose as me on gay dating sites and send me out on hookups if she desires. But all of that is up to her.

This is where “sissy” dynamics usually surfiace. I am not a sissy. I am a masculine, cis, pansexual man with a strong feminine side. I am not looking to be transformed into a woman (although cross-dressing and being fucked while wearing women’s clothes/lingerie could be hot). Ultimately, my feminine side is there to amplify, augment, and uplift her masculine energy. She is a Lioness, a Goddess, without me. But with me, she is all of that and more. 

The key here is that she has as much sex with as many different men (or women) as she wants, and she has as many mind-blowing orgasms as she can handle. I am also there to pleasure her as much or as little as she wants, however she wants, but she is someone guys love to fuck and we both know it.

Speaking of women, being with a bisexual woman is something that many (most?) men fantasize about. In the relationship I am describing, her sexuality is up to her. I have no preference if she is straight, curious, or bi. She does, however, at least enjoy the idea of being with multiple men at once, and ideally makes it a regular part of her dating life.

A Keyholder/Chastity Relationship

She makes all of the important decisions, she has sex with others, and she controls when and how I orgasm, so it only makes sense that I would remain in chastity. And, honestly, being in chastity is something that brings me joy. I enjoy the feeling of plastic or (preferably) metal enclosing my genitals and keeping me from being able to get an erection. 

So, in my next relationship, she will lock me in chastity (or have me self-lock) and then keep the key safe. She will decide when I get out and when I get to orgasm. And she will tease me mercilessly while I am caged, because what’s the fun of being in chastity if I’m not being teased? 

Aspirationally, I will be caged for weeks at a time (with obvious exceptions for physical well-being, doctors’ appointments, events with metal detectors, airline travel, etc.). My orgasms will be few and far between and almost always ruined (all stimulation stops the moment before I start to ejaculate). 

Why do this? Because, for men, rolling over and going to sleep after an orgasm isn’t just a stereotype. After an orgasm, I lose interest in sex, and things that were a huge turn-on no longer are. I want to be in a relationship where I am constantly turned on, where I feel a near-constant sexual charge and energy. I also wish her to be the focus of my sexual fantasies. I may watch or read porn, but if she is in control then she is going to be the only person I see in my head when think about sex. She should be the only person I am thinking abougt when I cum, ruined or not.

Of course, Locktober (in chastity for the month of October) and No Nut November (NNN) would be annual events. 

A natural extension of this and the hotwife pillar would be minimal to no penetrative sex with my partner. I can please her with my mouth (yes, please!) and with toys. I can wear a strap-on to have sex with her. But, in my next relationship, my cock would be inside her rarely if ever, and only to remind me of what it feels like to have sex.

In Conclusion

I’m probably crazy for thinking there is a woman out there who would be into all of this, but I know she is out there, and I know I will find her eventually…

I created this blog to chronicle my journey looking for the perfect (at least for me) Female-Led Relationship. One where I am both the breadwinner, but also a tradwife who cooks, cleans, and supports my partner while she has fun.